Before giving birth I researched lots of information. I went to parenting schools and I talked to friends who were already mothers. I read different books and magazines about motherhood, I signed in maternity newsletters. Still I wasn't prepared for what followed after I brought home my bundle of joy. Even with all this information the first few months were really challenging for me.
Here I am going to list few things that learned by myself as a new mother. I hope they would be helpful for other inexperienced moms. I keep learning, so I am planning to continue the list in another post within some time.
1. Starting with the basics: Do what you believe is best for you and your child.
There are many parenting methods and opinions, some of them very contradictory. Some people believe in the strict schedule from day one, others are into attachment parenting. Some mothers want the baby to sleep in their bed, others prefer to put it immediatelly in a separate room... I guess none of these are wrong, it is just about how the parents would feel right.
Make sure you find a pediatrician who's methods are not contradicting to your opinions. Listen to the advises of your friends and relatives but don't folow them if you disagree.
2. Things are not under control and this is perfectly normal.
It is still a big challenge for me to live with this. Because - let's face it - things in life have never been under control, but when kids come to your life than you realise how true is this statement. The first weeks after the baby is born the parents can't even plan what to have for dinner. This is ok, you say, but next thing is that your plans about the daily routine of the baby are also ruined: you can't bring him/her out because it is raining (and the daily walk is so important, as the doctor said!); you don't manage to give him/her a bath because your husband gets home too late from work... Daily "fails" like these can make the mother think that she is useless. But let's be realistic - is it so immportant for the overall development of the baby if a bath has been missed? I don't think so.
3. I am a mother, not a superhero!
Before giving birth I believed that when you become a mother you get some kind of "superpower" which keeps you perfectly fresh and organised even after several speepless nights around the crying baby... I believed I could manage to take care of my baby alone, only with a little help from the father (after he comes home from work). But I was shocked to find out after the birth that for me the situation was completely the opposite. I was exhausted, not able to concentrate and I was feeling like even the smallest thing that I had to do was requiring tremendous efforts from my side. I got all the possible help during the day but I was still exhausted because I couldn't manage to sleep enough. One week after the baby was born I started having crazy migraines which were making me stay in bed for whole days (and someone else had to take care about my child at this time). I tottaly wasn't able to handle the situation by myself and this made me feel like a failure as a mother.
It took me months to put myself into some kind of normality and to be relatively selfsufficient around my baby. I finally realised that I should forget any expectations that I have had previously and I stopped judjing what kind of mother I am by how much help I need. In magazines I still find articles about "the power of the mother", "all mothers are supermoms", etc. but I don't believe them anymore. People are different so each woman needs different amount of time to adjust to the new situation and to feel secure about handling her new baby. It is not a failure to ask for help!
4. Some mothers worry more, others worry less... but they all worry!
A friend of mine once said: from the moment when a woman sees two stripes on the pregnancy test, she won't have any more a single day without worries about her child. Every day I am realising how true is that statement. Sometimes when I have really big "worry attacks" I ask other mothers if they worry as well. I always received positive answers with examples of worries which I could never imagine. For me they key not to get crazy into worrying is to do more outdoor activities, to meet more people, to keep myself busy with different tasks and to read interesting books whenever you have time for that :)
These are probably the most important things I learned in the first 4-5 months. I am sure there is much more to learn in the future :)
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